If Ever You're Choking...
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, "You're right,that 'hind-lick' maneuver works like a charm."
The Redneck and the Lawyer Joke
This one combines TWO favorites
A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next too kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next too kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
7 Best Redneck Jokes --wll today anyway+
7 best redneck jokes today
Jeff Foxworthy would be proud
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
drinking age for Rednecks to 32 ?
It seems they want to keep alcohol
out of the high schools.
A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16
and says to the driver, "Got any I.D. ?" . .
and the driver replies "Bout wut ?"
Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ? . .
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
A new Redneck law was just recently passed in West Virginia
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
Did you hear that the Redneck
governor's mansion burned down?
"Yep. Prit'near took out the whole trailer park.
The library was a total loss too.
Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the governor
hadn't even finished coloring one of them."
A Redneck passed away and left his entire estate
to his beloved widow
but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
The "Redneck word of the Day" is TEXAS
"I hate it when my girlfriend Texas me when I am in bed with my wife"
Jeff Foxworthy would be proud
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
drinking age for Rednecks to 32 ?
It seems they want to keep alcohol
out of the high schools.
A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16
and says to the driver, "Got any I.D. ?" . .
and the driver replies "Bout wut ?"
Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ? . .
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
A new Redneck law was just recently passed in West Virginia
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
Did you hear that the Redneck
governor's mansion burned down?
"Yep. Prit'near took out the whole trailer park.
The library was a total loss too.
Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the governor
hadn't even finished coloring one of them."
A Redneck passed away and left his entire estate
to his beloved widow
but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
The "Redneck word of the Day" is TEXAS
"I hate it when my girlfriend Texas me when I am in bed with my wife"
Redneck Hotel
How do you know when you're staying
in a Redneck hotel ?
When you call the front desk and say,
I gotta leak in my sink, and the
clerk replies, Go ahead.
in a Redneck hotel ?
When you call the front desk and say,
I gotta leak in my sink, and the
clerk replies, Go ahead.
Redneck Beer Cooler
Washing Machine as Redneck Beer Cooler PictureRednecks are not always the most creative unless it comes to the realllly IMPORTANT things in life ...like finding a way to keep Budweiser, Blue Ribbon, or Miller High Life COLD. Yes, a redneck can find more than one way to cool a beer
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