The illustrated New Redneck Dress Code sign for bars ...Print Free Of Charge
Showing posts with label rednecks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rednecks. Show all posts
larry the cable guy says .....
"I seen the other day that Barbara Streisand was pissed she didn't win an Academy Award for something. I can't stand that witch. I bet however that if she took her bra off she could win a sag award!!!"
larry the cable guy
larry the cable guy
War In Iraq Will End Soon Thanks TO Rednecks
Special Bulletin from the Pentagon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the "United States Redneck Special Forces".
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday
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The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the "United States Redneck Special Forces".
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday
Why Rednecks Rule
Dinner can always be found on the side of the road.
Their belt buckles are considered valid I.D.!
With a little corn and water they can distill enough moonshine to quench any dry town!
They can spit with absolute accuracy.
Nothing compares to the luxury and freedom of a mobile home.
Bluejeans and a flannel are always considered formal.
At least that rusty Pick-up's bought and paid for.
A mayonnaise jar doubles as a handy thermos.
A baseball cap is considered a fine substitute for combing your hair.
Tractor pulls and auto races serve as a fine meeting place for family reunions
Their belt buckles are considered valid I.D.!
With a little corn and water they can distill enough moonshine to quench any dry town!
They can spit with absolute accuracy.
Nothing compares to the luxury and freedom of a mobile home.
Bluejeans and a flannel are always considered formal.
At least that rusty Pick-up's bought and paid for.
A mayonnaise jar doubles as a handy thermos.
A baseball cap is considered a fine substitute for combing your hair.
Tractor pulls and auto races serve as a fine meeting place for family reunions
South Carolina Redneck Bumper Sticker
Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.
Bad Boys Bad Boys ...Police Chatter
These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car
videos around the country:
#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the
one you just went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your
birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because
that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that
means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the
shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to
do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether
you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn
dogs, and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets
a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but
now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief [of Police] Hawker is a
personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post
your bail."
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't. Sign here."
videos around the country:
#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the
one you just went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your
birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because
that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that
means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the
shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to
do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether
you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn
dogs, and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets
a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but
now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief [of Police] Hawker is a
personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post
your bail."
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't. Sign here."
Golf Joke That is Funny
Q: What's the difference between a golf ball and a G- spot?
A: A man will spend 30 minutes looking for a golf ball!
A: A man will spend 30 minutes looking for a golf ball!
Global Warming or Global Disaster ?
Jay Leno: "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Valentines Day Joke For Blonde Redneck Women Getting Flowers For Valentines Day
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her flowers.The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh darn, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legsin the air."
The blonde says: ........"Don't you have a vase?"
The blonde says: ........"Don't you have a vase?"
The Old Burma Shave Signs
Somebody emailed me the old slogans from Burma Shave
For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick
lesson in our history of the 1930's and '40's. Before there were
interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs
would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields.
They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs,
about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line
couplet......and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular
shaving cream.
Here are more of the actual signs:
DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
BURMA SHAVE
TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED
NEXT IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave
BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
Burma Shave
CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND MORE STEER
Burma Shave
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma Shave
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
Burma Shave
AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
Burma Shave
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
Burma Shave
THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma Shave
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma Shave
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave
AT EASE SHE SAID
MANEUVERS BEGIN
WHEN YOU GET THOSE
WHISKERS OFF YOUR CHIN!!
Burma Shave
For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick
lesson in our history of the 1930's and '40's. Before there were
interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs
would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields.
They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs,
about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line
couplet......and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular
shaving cream.
Here are more of the actual signs:
DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
BURMA SHAVE
TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED
NEXT IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave
BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
Burma Shave
CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND MORE STEER
Burma Shave
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma Shave
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
Burma Shave
AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
Burma Shave
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
Burma Shave
THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma Shave
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma Shave
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave
AT EASE SHE SAID
MANEUVERS BEGIN
WHEN YOU GET THOSE
WHISKERS OFF YOUR CHIN!!
Burma Shave
Ponderisms
PONDERISMS
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you see 'em tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if
they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he doesn't like it,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Remember.....if you can't be a good example, then you'll be a
horrible warning.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you see 'em tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if
they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he doesn't like it,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Remember.....if you can't be a good example, then you'll be a
horrible warning.
Not Exactly Hee Haw Quality..but close
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon!"
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon!"
20 ways to see if a redneck has been at your job
1. The mouse is referred to as a, "critter."
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
3. There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
4. There is a gunrack mounted on the case.
5. The password is, "bubba."
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
7. The ergonomic chair is replaced with the bucket seat from an old "muscle" car.
8. Windows 98 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
9. Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.
10. The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
11. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
12. The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
13. Jeff Foxworthy wave files.
14. The monitor is up on blocks.
15. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
16. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
17. The screen saver is pictures of Ned Beatty, "Dueling Banjos" playing in the background.
18. The six front keys have rotted out.
19. John Deer Pocket Protectors.
If you figured out there are only "19" instead of "20", then you're probably not a red-neck.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
3. There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
4. There is a gunrack mounted on the case.
5. The password is, "bubba."
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
7. The ergonomic chair is replaced with the bucket seat from an old "muscle" car.
8. Windows 98 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
9. Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.
10. The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
11. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
12. The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
13. Jeff Foxworthy wave files.
14. The monitor is up on blocks.
15. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
16. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
17. The screen saver is pictures of Ned Beatty, "Dueling Banjos" playing in the background.
18. The six front keys have rotted out.
19. John Deer Pocket Protectors.
If you figured out there are only "19" instead of "20", then you're probably not a red-neck.
Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Another time I looked up my family tree and two dogs were using it.
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West!
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm!
Another time I looked up my family tree and two dogs were using it.
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West!
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm!
Rednecks Rock because
Dinner can always be found on the side of the road.
Their belt buckles are considered valid I.D.!
With a little corn and water they can distill enough moonshine to quench any dry town!
They can spit with absolute accuracy.
Nothing compares to the luxury and freedom of a mobile home.
Bluejeans and a flannel are always considered formal. '
At least that rusty Pick-up's bought and paid for.
A mayonnaise jar doubles as a handy thermos.
A baseball cap is considered a fine substitute for combing your hair.
Tractor pulls and auto races serve as a fine meeting place for family reunions
Submitted by bootsie
Their belt buckles are considered valid I.D.!
With a little corn and water they can distill enough moonshine to quench any dry town!
They can spit with absolute accuracy.
Nothing compares to the luxury and freedom of a mobile home.
Bluejeans and a flannel are always considered formal. '
At least that rusty Pick-up's bought and paid for.
A mayonnaise jar doubles as a handy thermos.
A baseball cap is considered a fine substitute for combing your hair.
Tractor pulls and auto races serve as a fine meeting place for family reunions
Submitted by bootsie
It is So Hot ( How Hot Is It ) Joke
It was so hot in Virginia, Cavaliers fans took the bags off their heads.
A redneck sex question for the guys
Why Is A 25 Year Old Homosexual Male Like A 90 YearOld Heterosexual Redneck Male?
For Each One, Sex Is Behind Him.
For Each One, Sex Is Behind Him.
Redneck Truck Truth - yep..the old Ford (or Chevy )
Ranching Out
A big Texas rancher and a little Missouri farmer had a conversation.
The Texas rancher said, "I can get into my truck, drive it all day and not ever get off of my ranch!"
"Yeah," replied the little Missouri farmer, "I had a truck like that one time."
A big Texas rancher and a little Missouri farmer had a conversation.
The Texas rancher said, "I can get into my truck, drive it all day and not ever get off of my ranch!"
"Yeah," replied the little Missouri farmer, "I had a truck like that one time."
Beat The HEAT Redneck Style
1-Put a bag of frozen peas down your pants.
2-Attend an Adam Sandler movie and since nobody will be there, you can have the AC all to yourself .
3- Stick a couple of Budweisers in your overalls.
4-Dress up like a polar bear and tell a treehugger to call the ACLU to lobby for a new AC.
5-Beat the heat in a brisk circular motion using a wire whisk.
Remember, no lumps!
2-Attend an Adam Sandler movie and since nobody will be there, you can have the AC all to yourself .
3- Stick a couple of Budweisers in your overalls.
4-Dress up like a polar bear and tell a treehugger to call the ACLU to lobby for a new AC.
5-Beat the heat in a brisk circular motion using a wire whisk.
Remember, no lumps!
redneck funny quiz
We’re sick ‘n’ tarred of hear’n about how dumb people are in the South, so we challenge you so-called "smart" Yankee's to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane ( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle (C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet! and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 4 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?I betcha thought that this here test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?
It's okay if''n ya'll didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya: There's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane ( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle (C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet! and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 4 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?I betcha thought that this here test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?
It's okay if''n ya'll didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya: There's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.
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