Yep ..thats about right
Redneck Twas The Night Before Christmas
Twas The Night Before Christmas
A Red Neck Christmas
One of the TEN Nights Before Christmas at YoooHaaa.com
Not Jeff Foxworthy
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.
That Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12 Jim Bob was 11
Dud goin' on 10 Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls so they let them be.
They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns they grabbed them all.
Bubba said to the young'uns, "now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting and needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door without making a peep.
They all looked around, and then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared he could not say a word.
This was just like all of The stories he'd heard.
It was Santy Claus on the roof, darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know they was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus And he's brought us some toys.
The dogs were a-barkin' and a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Down, Spot! shut up Bullet! quiet, Roscoe and Enos!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!"
"Git down from that porch! git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a-barkin' and wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.
Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys.
Bubba got most, but left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dropped he just might not die.
He jumped in his sleigh, told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, but Bubba didn't care.
He was busy lookin' at all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him, and he said to the boys:
"Go check on yer Maw, make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her could-a hurt just a might."
But Maw was OK, and the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer it looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, he liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba was a pure-in-tee hick!
Bubba had a nice Christmas, and the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish a Yee Haw Merry Christmas to you!!!
20 Ways to See if a Redneck has been at your Job
1. The mouse is referred to as a, "critter."
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
3. There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
4. There is a gunrack mounted on the case.
5. The password is, "bubba."
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
7. The ergonomic chair is replaced with the bucket seat from an old "muscle" car.
8. Windows 98 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
9. Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.
10. The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
11. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
12. The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
13. Jeff Foxworthy wave files.
14. The monitor is up on blocks.
15. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
16. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
17. The screen saver is pictures of Ned Beatty, "Dueling Banjos" playing in the background.
18. The six front keys have rotted out.
19. John Deer Pocket Protectors.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
3. There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
4. There is a gunrack mounted on the case.
5. The password is, "bubba."
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
7. The ergonomic chair is replaced with the bucket seat from an old "muscle" car.
8. Windows 98 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
9. Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.
10. The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
11. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
12. The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
13. Jeff Foxworthy wave files.
14. The monitor is up on blocks.
15. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
16. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
17. The screen saver is pictures of Ned Beatty, "Dueling Banjos" playing in the background.
18. The six front keys have rotted out.
19. John Deer Pocket Protectors.
The Rick Perry Fact File
Fact: Rick Perry's tears cure cancer. Unfortunately, he's never cried.
Rick Perry's cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
Rick Perry's organ donation card, also lists his hair.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend Rick Perry. Also, in totally unrelated news, 20% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Rick Perry heads outside and brands his cattle.
Rick Perry has never lost a sock. Ever.
There is no "Control" button on Rick Perry's computer. Rick Perry is always in control.
When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg," Rick Perry is never, ever the rotten egg.
Rick Perry came and he gave without taking. But you pushed him away. Oh, Mandy.
When Rick Perry was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Lesson learned. Never slap Rick Perry.
Aliens DO exist. It's just that they know better than to visit a planet Rick Perry inhabits.
Rick Perry lives vicariously through himself.
Rick Perry once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now referred to simply as "the islands"
When Rick Perry opens a pack of Twix, there are three.
As a boy, Rick Perry interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the precise location and contents of each hidden egg.
Rick Perry has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Rick Perry really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why.
Some kids urinate their names in the snow. Rick Perry can urinate his name into concrete. He just chooses not to.
Rick Perry does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
Rick Perry did all the make-up on the Planet of the Apes movies.
Rick Perry understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Rick Perry ghostwrites all the articles for Garden & Gun magazine
Rick Perry was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us who have to fight for it
Rick Perry impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round.
Rick Perry's blood type is WD-40
Rick Perry can peel potatoes with his eyelids.
Rick Perry shoots dangerous wild animals on his jogs.
On his birthday, Rick Perry randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Rick Perry just saved a kitten from a tree while Jon Huntsman was talking
Time slows down whenever Rick Perry speaks
AT&T does not drop Rick Perry's Cell Calls
Perry's car once ran out of gas. After pistol whipping it for 10 min it started back up. He's never had to fill it up since
Rick Perry gargles with a mixture of turpentine, coffee, and crude oil.
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